Read the mnemonics before you pay for anything.

sounds like gateau

A cat sits in the middle of a birthday gateau, licking icing off its paws. The candles set the whole cake alight, so the word is masculine.

sounds like pear

A dog with a pear wedged on its nose, barking through the fruit. The pear is burning, so it is masculine.

sounds like cashew

A house built entirely out of cashew nuts, sitting on the sea floor. Underwater means feminine.

sounds like mess

A table piled with such a mess that nothing else fits, and the whole thing is submerged in a fish tank. Feminine.

sounds like seal

A seal balances on a kitchen chair and claps. The tank it is in makes it feminine.

sounds like porter

A hotel porter stands so still in the doorway that guests push him open instead of the door. He is treading water, so feminine.

sounds like vent

Anna crawls out through the window vent and drops into the swimming pool below. Feminine.

sounds like camel

A camel is asleep in your bed, hump under the duvet, and the whole room has flooded. Feminine.

sounds like collie

A collie runs down the middle of the street stopping traffic, and it is doing it underwater. Feminine.

sounds like leech

Leeches swim laps in a tall glass of milk. Feminine, and already underwater.

sounds like case

A briefcase clicks open and there is nothing inside but one enormous burning wedge of cheese. Masculine.

sounds like wave

A wave breaks on the beach and thousands of eggs roll up the sand, hissing and steaming. Masculine.

sounds like man's on a

A man is standing on an apple the size of a car, and the apple is bobbing in the sea. Feminine.

sounds like pan

A frying pan so full of bread that the loaves are climbing out over the handle, all of it on fire. Masculine.

sounds like man on

A giant hand reaches down and a man stands on the palm shaking one finger. It is all on fire, but mano is one of the trap words: it looks masculine and is feminine, so douse it and remember la mano.

sounds like hoe

A garden hoe with a blinking eye set into the blade, watching you weed. The handle is burning. Masculine.

sounds like cab

A taxi cab reverses out of a man's head and drives off down his shoulder, engine flaming. Feminine, so picture the cab sinking into a canal.

sounds like core

An apple core beats like a heart in your cupped hands, thumping and glowing red hot. Masculine.

sounds like boxer

A boxer takes a punch and his mouth flies open wide enough to fit the glove. The ring is flooded to the ropes. Feminine.

sounds like pie

A bare foot comes down on a pie and the filling squirts between the toes. The pie is straight from the oven. Masculine.

sounds like arbour

A garden arbour grows arms and legs and walks off as a tree, its leaves catching fire as it goes. Masculine.

sounds like you bee

The clouds open and bees fall instead of raindrops, thousands of them, straight into the sea. Feminine.

sounds like free-oh

A sign says the ice cream is FREE, so you stand in the freezer aisle for an hour until your teeth chatter.

sounds like colour

Every colour in the paint shop melts and runs down the wall in the heat, flames licking at the tins. Masculine.

sounds like moo hair

A woman brushes her hair and every strand moos like a cow. She is standing chest deep in a river. Feminine.

sounds like knee

A child no taller than your knee tugs your trousers and says yo. Behind him the carpet is smouldering. Masculine.

sounds like dinner

The waiter takes your order and brings out a plate of banknotes for dinner, still sizzling. Masculine.

sounds like trap and hoe

A bear trap snaps shut on a garden hoe and you cannot leave your desk until you free it, sparks flying. Masculine.

sounds like see you dad

You shout SEE YOU DAD across a whole city square and every window opens. The square is flooded to the first floor. Feminine.

sounds like coach

A stagecoach, horses and all, is parked in a modern car park charging at a socket, sparks and flames. Masculine.

sounds like tent

A whole department store has been pitched inside a camping tent, and the tent is floating in a lake. Feminine.

sounds like come here

Every plate of food in the room shouts COME HERE at you until you eat it.

sounds like bay bear

A bear stands in the shallow bay drinking the whole bay dry through a straw.

sounds like a blare

A loudspeaker blares so loudly that it drowns out everyone speaking around it.

sounds like dorm

A student sleeps through everything in a dorm bunk while the fire alarm goes off around him.

sounds like courier

A courier runs the whole delivery route on foot because the van will not start.

sounds like compare

You compare two identical tins for twenty minutes before you finally buy one.

sounds like Felix

A cat called Felix grins so widely that his face will not go back to normal.

sounds like tryst

A tryst where nobody turns up, and the one person waiting sits on the bench in the rain.

sounds like can't say dough

You are so tired that when the baker asks what he is kneading you cannot say the word dough.

sounds like me d'oh

You slap your forehead and say ME, D'OH, out of pure fear that it was your turn. The floor under you is on fire. Masculine.

sounds like peck

A tiny bird pecks a giant and says YO between pecks. The giant is too small to notice.

sounds like car

The price tag on a loaf of bread is the price of a car, and the receipt catches fire.

sounds like bar rat

A rat behind the bar sells everything for one coin and throws in a free drink.

sounds like a year

Yesterday was so long that it felt like a year, and the calendar page is still turning.

sounds like seven Anna

Seven women all called Anna line up, one per day, and that is your week. All seven are underwater. Feminine.

sounds like no chair

At night every chair in the house disappears, so there is NO CHAIR to sit on until morning. The room is flooded. Feminine.

sounds like pain

A baguette so stale that biting it causes real pain, and the loaf is on fire. Masculine.

sounds like she-hen

A dog wearing a hen costume clucks at the postman. It is standing in a duck pond. Masculine, so set the feathers alight instead.

sounds like oh

You drink a glass of water and can only say OH, because that is the whole word. The glass is submerged. Feminine.

sounds like may-song

A house that only stands up while you sing the song of May to it. It is at the bottom of a lake. Feminine.

sounds like fun net

Someone has stretched a fun net across the window and the children bounce off it into the pool. Feminine.

sounds like liver

A book bound in liver, dripping, that you have to read with gloves on. Burning. Masculine.

sounds like votre tour

A car horn that only says VOTRE TOUR, your turn, at every junction. Sunk to the roof in water. Feminine.

sounds like from age

A wheel of cheese with a birth certificate, aged FROM AGE zero, on fire on the counter. Masculine.

sounds like tet

Two heads bang together and go TET TET like woodblocks. The pair are underwater. Feminine.

sounds like man

A hand with a tiny man standing on the palm, waving. Flames along the fingers, but main is feminine, so put the fire out and remember la main.

sounds like nweet

At night every bird switches to one long NWEET note and nobody sleeps. The street is flooded. Feminine.

sounds like a gent

A gent in a silver suit pays for everything with silver coins pulled from his sleeve, sleeve on fire. Masculine.

sounds like hound

A hound wearing a hundred numbered collars, one per bark. The whole kennel is on fire. Masculine, der Hund.

sounds like cats-uh

A cat sneezes KATZ-uh and every cat in the street sneezes back. They are all treading water. Feminine, die Katze.

sounds like book

A book so heavy you need both arms, frozen solid in a block of ice. Neuter, das Buch.

sounds like vasser

A vase pours water that never runs out and floods the room. Frozen mid-pour. Neuter, das Wasser.

sounds like house

A house that is a giant frozen ice cube with windows. Neuter, das Haus.

sounds like dish

A table set with one dish so big it is the table. The table is burning. Masculine, der Tisch.

sounds like tour

A door that opens onto a guided tour of itself, over and over. It is underwater. Feminine, die Tür.

sounds like owl-guh

An owl with one enormous eye instead of two, frozen on a branch. Neuter, das Auge.

sounds like gild

Coins being gilded on a hot press, gold flaking off in the flames. Neuter, das Geld, so freeze the whole press instead.

sounds like strasse

A street where every house is a straw hut, laid out in one long line and sinking into the canal. Feminine, die Straße.

sounds like milk

Milk that comes out frozen in the shape of the bottle. Feminine, die Milch, so pour it into the aquarium.

sounds like boom

A tree that goes BOOM every time a leaf drops, flames rolling up the trunk. Masculine, der Baum.

sounds like cane

A dog carrying a walking cane in its mouth and refusing to give it back. The cane is on fire. Masculine, il cane.

sounds like gotcha

A cat lands on you shouting GOTCHA, claws out. It is soaked, so remember il gatto is masculine and set it alight instead.

sounds like pan

A frying pan with one loaf of bread nailed to the base, sizzling. Masculine, il pane.

sounds like aqua

A swimming pool of aqua so blue it stains your hands. Feminine, l'acqua.

sounds like cassa

A house shaped like a cash register, drawer sliding out as the front door, sunk in a lagoon. Feminine, la casa.

sounds like library

One book so long it fills a whole library shelf, and the shelf is burning. Masculine, il libro.

sounds like fine straw

A window glazed with fine straw instead of glass, straw floating away underwater. Feminine, la finestra.

sounds like for Maggie

A cheese wheel with a label reading FOR MAGGIE, on fire on the doorstep. Masculine, il formaggio.

sounds like test

A head with a test paper stapled to the forehead, both underwater. Feminine, la testa.

sounds like man oh

A giant hand and a small man saying OH at each other. It looks masculine and is feminine, la mano, so drop it in the fountain.

sounds like sole

The sun is the sole of a shoe, glowing white hot as it walks across the sky. Masculine, il sole.

sounds like knotty

Night arrives as one long knotty rope tied across the sky, dropped into the harbour. Feminine, la notte.

sounds like pow

A loaf of bread that goes POW when you tear it open, flames in the crust. Masculine, o pão.

sounds like cash + arrow

A dog with an arrow made of banknotes in its collar, tearing across a burning field. Masculine, o cachorro.

sounds like agua

Water so cold it comes out already shaped like the glass, in an aquarium. Feminine, a água.

sounds like cazza

A house with a cash drawer for a front door, at the bottom of a pool. Feminine, a casa.

sounds like ma-sun

An apple with a small sun burning inside it, floating in the sea. Feminine, a maçã.

sounds like liver

A book bound in liver again, this time on a barbecue. Masculine, o livro.

sounds like Janella

A woman called Janella leans out of every window on the street, all of them underwater. Feminine, a janela.

sounds like kay-zhu

A wedge of cheese wearing a K badge, melting on a hot grill. Masculine, o queijo.

sounds like cab essa

A taxi drives out of a head shouting ESSA, and both sink into the harbour. Feminine, a cabeça.

sounds like dinner-o

You order dinner and the waiter brings a plate of banknotes on fire. Masculine, o dinheiro.

sounds like shoe-va

It rains shoes instead of water, thousands of them splashing into the bay. Feminine, a chuva.

sounds like trem

A train that trembles so hard the rails shake loose, sparks everywhere. Masculine, o trem.

sounds like neck oh

A cat wraps itself round your NECK and says OH when you try to remove it. Neko.

sounds like in you

A dog burrows INU, in you, hiding under your coat. Inu.

sounds like me zoo

You are at the ME ZOO where every animal is made of water. Mizu.

sounds like bone

A book with a spine made of a real BONE, cracking as you open it. Hon.

sounds like yamma

A mountain so steep climbers yell YAMMA all the way up. Yama.

sounds like tay

A hand serving TEA with the fingers as the spout. Te.

sounds like may

An eye that only opens in MAY, once a year. Me.

sounds like tomato dachshund

A tomato and a dachshund walk in as your two best friends. Tomodachi.

sounds like tab a rue

You keep a TAB at a restaurant that only serves the herb RUE, and you eat it all. Taberu.

sounds like echo

A station where the announcement ECHOes forever and no train ever comes. Eki.

sounds like mool

A MULE drinks a whole river dry in one go. Mul is water.

sounds like bop

Every grain of rice BOPS up and down in the bowl to music. Bap.

sounds like jeep

A JEEP parked so long in one spot that a family moved into it and called it home. Jip.

sounds like check

You CHECK a book out of the library and the book checks you out right back. Chaek.

sounds like sa-ram

A RAM in a suit walks in as the only PERSON at the meeting. Saram.

sounds like chin goo

Your friend greets you by pressing their CHIN into a jar of GOO. Chingu.

sounds like sohn

Your SON's hand is bigger than yours and will not let go. Son is hand.

sounds like go yang ee

A cat that says GO YANG EE instead of miaow, once per step. Goyangi.

sounds like hock yo

A pawn shop where you HOCK your homework and say YO to the teacher. Hakgyo is school.

sounds like don

A mafia DON pays for everything in cash and never takes change. Don is money.

sounds like maow

A cat that only says MAO, one flat high tone, never miaow. Mao, first tone, level and high like a held note.

sounds like go

A dog that only moves when you say GO, and the word dips down and back up like the fourth step of a staircase. Gou, third tone, dipping.

sounds like shway

A river that SWAYS from bank to bank, dipping low in the middle. Shui, third tone.

sounds like shoe

A book with a SHOE for a bookmark, sticking out flat and high. Shu, first tone.

sounds like jaw

A home you enter through a giant JAW that opens flat and holds the note. Jia, first tone.

sounds like chien

Money that rises up out of the wallet like a rising question. Qian, second tone, rising.

sounds like ren

A person WRENching a door open, the word rising as they pull. Ren, second tone.

sounds like chah

Tea served so hot the word rises as you inhale. Cha, second tone.

sounds like dah

Something so big you say DAH and your voice falls off a cliff. Da, fourth tone, falling.

sounds like shyao

Something so small your voice dips down to find it and comes back up. Xiao, third tone.

sounds like vodka

A bottle labelled VODKA that turns out to hold only water, to everyone's disappointment. Voda.

sounds like dome

A house with a DOME so large the house is only a doorway underneath it. Dom.

sounds like knee gah

A book so heavy it lands on your KNEE and you say GAH. Kniga.

sounds like sow bark a

A SOW that BARKS like a dog and will not stop. Sobaka.

sounds like cosh ka

A cat that carries a small COSH and taps you awake at five in the morning. Koshka.

sounds like clebb

A loaf so hard it goes CLEB when you drop it on the table. Khleb.

sounds like rook a

A ROOK lands on your outstretched arm and refuses to leave. Ruka is hand and arm both.

sounds like gorod

A city guarded by a GUARD at every corner, all of them asleep. Gorod.

sounds like den gee

Money kept in a fox's DEN, guarded by a horse saying GEE. Dengi.

sounds like drug

A friend who turns up carrying a paper bag from the DRUGstore whenever you are ill. Drug.

sounds like bait

A house built entirely out of fishing BAIT, and the smell reaches the next street. Bayt.

sounds like kit tab

A book that arrives as a flat-pack KIT with a TAB you pull to open it. Kitab.

sounds like maa

A goat says MAA and water pours out instead of a bleat. Ma is water.

sounds like kelp

A dog wrapped head to tail in wet KELP, shaking it off over everyone. Kalb.

sounds like shams

The sun turns out to be a SHAM, a painted disc someone hung up, and everyone squints anyway. Shams.

sounds like culp

A heart that beats out the word CULP, guilty, every time you lie. Qalb.

sounds like madras

A school where every lesson is taught in a MADRAS curry house, chalk dust in the naan. Madrasa.

sounds like sook

A market where every trader tries to SOOK you in with the same three words. Suq.

sounds like yad

A hand that measures everything in YARDS, thumb to fingertip. Yad.

sounds like shook run

You SHOOK someone's hand so hard in thanks that they had to RUN. Shukran.