Read the mnemonics before you pay for anything.

sounds like gateau

A cat sits in the middle of a birthday gateau, licking icing off its paws. The candles set the whole cake alight, so the word is masculine.

sounds like pain

A baguette so stale that biting it causes real pain, and the loaf is on fire. Masculine.

sounds like hound

A hound wearing a hundred numbered collars, one per bark. The whole kennel is on fire. Masculine, der Hund.

sounds like cane

A dog carrying a walking cane in its mouth and refusing to give it back. The cane is on fire. Masculine, il cane.

sounds like pow

A loaf of bread that goes POW when you tear it open, flames in the crust. Masculine, o pão.

sounds like neck oh

A cat wraps itself round your NECK and says OH when you try to remove it. Neko.

sounds like mool

A MULE drinks a whole river dry in one long go, standing in the shallows with its head down, and MUL is what it is drinking.

sounds like maow

A cat that only says MAO, one flat high tone, never miaow. Mao, first tone, level and high like a held note.

sounds like vodka

A bottle labelled VODKA that turns out to hold only water, to everyone's disappointment. Voda.

sounds like bait

A house built entirely out of fishing BAIT, and the smell reaches the next street. Bayt.

sounds like pear

A dog with a pear wedged on its nose, barking through the fruit. The pear is burning, so it is masculine.

sounds like she-hen

A dog wearing a hen costume clucks at the postman. It is standing in a duck pond. Masculine, so set the feathers alight instead.

sounds like cats-uh

A cat sneezes KATZ-uh and every cat in the street sneezes back. They are all treading water. Feminine, die Katze.

sounds like gotcha

A cat lands on you shouting GOTCHA, claws out. It is soaked, so remember il gatto is masculine and set it alight instead.

sounds like cash + arrow

A dog with an arrow made of banknotes in its collar, tearing across a burning field. Masculine, o cachorro.

sounds like in you

A dog burrows INU, in you, hiding right under your coat with only the nose showing, and refuses to come out until the fireworks stop.

sounds like bop

Every grain of rice BOPS up and down in the bowl to music. Bap.

sounds like go

A dog that only moves when you say GO, and the word dips down and back up like the fourth step of a staircase. Gou, third tone, dipping.

sounds like dome

A house with a DOME so large the house is only a doorway underneath it. Dom.

sounds like kit tab

A book that arrives as a flat-pack KIT with a TAB you pull to open it. Kitab.

sounds like cashew

A house built entirely out of cashew nuts, sitting on the sea floor. Underwater means feminine.

sounds like oh

You drink a glass of water and can only say OH, because that is the whole word. The glass is submerged. Feminine.

sounds like book

A book so heavy you need both arms, frozen solid in a block of ice. Neuter, das Buch.

sounds like pan

A frying pan with one loaf of bread nailed to the base, sizzling. Masculine, il pane.

sounds like agua

Water so cold it comes out already shaped like the glass, in an aquarium. Feminine, a água.

sounds like me zoo

You are at the ME ZOO where every animal is made of water. Mizu.

sounds like jeep

A JEEP parked so long in one spot that a family moved into it and called it home. Jip.

sounds like shway

A river that SWAYS from bank to bank, dipping low in the middle. Shui, third tone.

sounds like knee gah

A book so heavy it lands on your KNEE and you say GAH. Kniga.

sounds like maa

A goat says MAA and water pours out instead of a bleat. Ma is water.

sounds like mess

A table piled with such a mess that nothing else fits, and the whole thing is submerged in a fish tank. Feminine.

sounds like may-song

A house that only stands up while you sing the song of May to it. It is at the bottom of a lake. Feminine.

sounds like vasser

A vase pours water that never runs out and floods the room. Frozen mid-pour. Neuter, das Wasser.

sounds like aqua

A swimming pool of aqua so blue it stains your hands. Feminine, l'acqua.

sounds like cazza

A house with a cash drawer for a front door, at the bottom of a pool. Feminine, a casa.

sounds like bone

A book with a spine made of a real BONE, cracking as you open it. Hon.

sounds like check

You CHECK a book out of the library and the book checks you out right back. Chaek.

sounds like shoe

A book with a SHOE for a bookmark, sticking out flat and high. Shu, first tone.

sounds like sow bark a

A SOW that BARKS like a dog and will not stop, running round the yard on four trotters making a noise no farmer can explain to the vet.

sounds like kelp

A dog wrapped head to tail in wet KELP, shaking it off over everyone. Kalb.